


In the Dark After the Ritual

by Katalyna_Rose



Series: Vhenan AU [20]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 16:29:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12062793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katalyna_Rose/pseuds/Katalyna_Rose
Summary: Elissa was the one to convince Alistair to perform the Dark Ritual with Morrigan, but she can’t stand the idea of her lover, her fiance even, being with another woman while she lay in bed so very nearby. Yet Alistair hates it just as much as she does and seeks forgiveness in the aftermath.





	In the Dark After the Ritual

Elissa sniffled quietly and told herself she was being foolish. The puddle in her pillow from all her tears agreed, but her eyes wouldn’t obey her and stop their damned leaking. She kept telling herself that it wasn’t a betrayal because it had been her idea to begin with because she simply couldn’t bear the thought that either of them would be forced to give up their lives for this venture. She also remembered how prepared they’d been for the eventuality of death before. She’d joined the Grey Wardens as the last of her house, expecting to be the last Cousland ever to live. She’d wanted to make a mark, have her house remembered for greatness through her deeds, but she didn’t necessarily want to live past them.

But it was different now, with Alistair. The rose he’d given her, so awkward and cute, she’d pressed between the pages of a dull and dry tome about her family’s ancestors. She kept it still, among her things, and she thought she always would. And, as the surprise of a lifetime, she’d announced to the entire Landsmeet that she would rule them at Alistair’s side. She wanted so much more than she had when she’d started this quest for the fate of the world. And she wanted him through it all, her gruff and awkward bastard prince with a truly unholy love of cheese and a minor obsession with her hair. But still she couldn’t shake off the hurt that had her crying into her pillow in a dark room.

When she heard the door to the room she’d been given in Redcliffe castle quietly click open and saw the sliver of light on the wall from the hallway she slipped her hand under her pillow. She wasn’t ready to drop her guard after so many months always alert and wary, no matter whose castle she was sleeping in, and the worn grip of her dagger was a familiar comfort as she readied to defend herself.

“Are you awake?” The question was quiet, breathed more than spoken, but Elissa released the dagger at once.

“Alistair,” she whispered, shaking with overwhelming emotions. She wanted him to curl himself around her but she didn’t think she could stomach his touch at the moment. She wanted his comfort but she wanted him gone. It was terrible and she thought she might vomit from the confusion of it all.

The door to her room snicked shut and footsteps approached her where she lay curled in bed. She didn’t look at him, couldn’t look at him, but she heard his sigh as he knelt beside her. “It’s done,” he told her softly, and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking from his voice for once.

“It’s only been an hour,” Elissa said with a frown, still refusing to look at him.

“It’s been done for a while, but I desperately needed a bath,” he replied, a tiny bit of his usual humor creeping into his voice. “I scrubbed myself six times before I felt even remotely clean again.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting some rest, then?” Elissa asked him, trying not to sound as sullen as she felt and probably failing miserably.

He was silent for a moment, probably hearing her unfounded anger and the dismissal in her tone, but he didn’t move. “I only got through it by thinking of you,” he admitted softly. She sniffed and turned onto her other side, giving him her back. “Elissa…”

“Don’t,” she said sharply. “I just… I can’t right now, okay?” She took a shuddering breath and tried to contain herself. It wasn’t fair to get angry with him when she was the one who persuaded him to do it in the first place.

“You know I still don’t even like Morrigan, right?” Alistair asked her. “I only agreed to this at all because the thought of losing you is more than I can bear. Please, Elissa, just look at me. I hated this, too, but I hate the thought of sitting on a throne without you by my side even more. Losing you would destroy me, and that’s the only reason I didn’t smack Morrigan for even suggesting it! Please, Elissa, talk to me.”

“You just had sex with another woman,” Elissa reminded him, voice hard. “I’ve been arguing with myself for an hour, reminding myself that I was the one to talk you into it in the first place. I don’t want to lose you, either.” She curled up tighter, as though being small would help somehow. “But the fact is that you just fathered a child on another woman.”

“For you,” he said earnestly. “And the ritual itself was the only reason it was successful at all. You think I could hold an erection with Morrigan around if not for magic? Because I couldn’t. Please, Elissa… Can’t you forgive a man for loving you so much he does terrible things that are probably going to backfire horribly some day to try to save you?”

Elissa sniffled again and finally turned back to him. When she looked up, what little light there was in the room showed her the man she loved. He didn’t look any different, except for the damp strands of his lovely blonde hair falling into his eyes adorably. He didn’t look like he’d slept with Morrigan except for the way that his laugh lines and the adorable crinkling of his eyes was nowhere to be seen. She sighed and sat up, then lit the candle beside the bed. When she looked at him again in the dim light, he wouldn’t meet her gaze but she saw the shadows in his eyes from what he’d done. He’d come to her seeking comfort after doing something that both of them hated and she wasn’t callous enough to shut him out. Selfishly, she could admit that it helped that he looked guilt-ridden.

Alistair flinched when Elissa touched his cheek and turned his head towards her, but he went willingly when she pulled him into a hug. Once her arms closed around him he almost crushed her in his grip as he embraced her in return. Elissa couldn’t smell Morrigan on him at all, just strong lye soap and whatever he put in his hair to make it so soft. And it was comforting to be near him again, to be reminded that it had been done out of love for her. She reminded herself again of all the reasons why it had been done and with him in her arms she believed them.

Elissa tugged on him until she got him to lay down in her bed with her. He kept her wrapped in his arms as his breaths hitched and she felt a warm wetness on her neck where he kept his face hidden. She sighed heavily and held him tighter, running her fingers through his still-wet hair and rubbing her palms across his damp back, thin cotton clinging to his skin. He must have come to her immediately after his bath and barely bothered to dry off at all, she thought.

“I love you,” he sobbed into her shoulder, arms so tight around her she thought her ribs might crack.

“I love you, too,” she reminded him. It was true and this couldn’t change it. They would survive the coming battle because they took this step and they would have the rest of their lives to squabble and bicker like the married couple they would become. But this was not the time for dissent between them; they needed to be strong together so that they could be strong during the battle. The hardest part was yet to come.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve had this thought in my head since before I even started writing fanfiction, honestly. I just never did anything with it because I was too distracted by my Kahlia Mahariel. But I have Feels today and decided to finally write it!


End file.
